Business was brisk at the newly opened Streetcar Developments sales pavilion this weekend. According to reports on the recently bifurcated Corktown e-list, approximately half the units offered sold within the first two days.

Large numbers of prospective Corktonians surged through its newly-opened doors, oblivious to the tumultuous tides of bodily fluids, stepping through mounds of spent syringes, and padding past shimmying slews of sultry, sinuous Corktown ladies of the night.

"We really like the area but we're wondering about those people over there,"  said one hopeful inhabitant-to-be, pointing at a small group of somewhat sullen, black-clad, clipboard-carrying locals who were staring obsessively at people's feet as they entered and exited the sleek building.

When questioned about their activities, a spokesperson for the group replied "We're here to ensure our little Duchy's population maintains a proper social balance." When asked how "a proper social balance" could be measured, another member of the group piped up excitedly, "Footwear! They need to be well-heeled! We have a checklist and rules!"

We asked to review her list, and caught a quick glimpse of one guideline before their leader snatched it out of our hands:

"No negative heel shoes. They're mirrors to the sole (sic) and we don't want no negative types here. We already have enough, and they'd disrupt the social balance."

As we watched a member of the group ran up to one sneaker-clad urbanista, screaming "What are those? What are those?"" and pointing at his feet. Shocked "He yelled 'New Balance" prompting a chorus of "Welcome to Corktown, brother" from the group.

When asked how he felt about this he replied, passionately, "What a Croc! They seem a little light in their shoes, if you ask me."