Last night,  a phalanx of concerned inhabitants of the Duchy of Corktown met at Enoch Turner Schoolhouse , the historically significant free school and popular wedding venue - to present their concerns about the province's Metronome Strategy - or lack thereof - to the recently formed Metronome Task Force.

Community residents presented their concerns in a dignified and reasonable way. A sampling follows:

• "I'm concerned about the number of rhythmically challenged people who come into the area - they're affecting the tempo of life here."
• "We're finding bongos and xylophones everywhere - in the parks, on the streets - wherever you look! What are we going to do if our kids pick these things up?"
• "I've seen a number of people syncopating in public spaces - shouldn't they do that in private? They'll need glasses if they keep that up."
• "Don't you people remember The Junction Triangle ?"
• "I've worked with clients of a Metronome Clinic in our area - they can't be beat."

And finally, a particularly insightful comment from a woman sitting with her squalling brood of 7 infants of varying age and gender... "Metronome clinic? Feh! Don't you idiots get it? The rhythm method doesn't work!"