Having recently pulled our copy of the Toronto Sun from under our parrot, we see that Mark Bonkoski has once again been spouting wisdom, or what passes for it at the Sun, about our local Metronome Clinic.

Which in turn has released a flurry of consternation on the rogue Corktown e-list, relating once again to the surfeit of crime, and virtual torrent of all manner of bodily fluids, pointed objects and bad behaviour emanating from the patrons of said clinic.

Tabernouche! One would think, reading some of this, that the Gaping Gates of Hell were open and inhaling local residents in droves.

Surprisingly, this doesn't seem to be the case, at least as evidenced by the comments on the list, none of which seem to emanate from anyone living within several city blocks of the  offending establishment. Au contraire, our discussions with some residents within spitting (or whatever) distance from the clinic indicate although they may not like the idea of the clinic being here, the situation was, in fact, worse when that other demonic establishment, Street CIty, was in operation in the area.

Further, as both the Bonkster and various posters on the list have confirmed, few, if any actual factual incidents of any nature have been reported to the local constabulary, which makes it difficult to validate either side of the argument.

So, here's the challenge this week. (continued...) »

Last night,  a phalanx of concerned inhabitants of the Duchy of Corktown met at Enoch Turner Schoolhouse , the historically significant free school and popular wedding venue - to present their concerns about the province's Metronome Strategy - or lack thereof - to the recently formed Metronome Task Force.

Community residents presented their concerns in a dignified and reasonable way. A sampling follows:

• "I'm concerned about the number of rhythmically challenged people who come into the area - they're affecting the tempo of life here."
• "We're finding bongos and xylophones everywhere - in the parks, on the streets - wherever you look! What are we going to do if our kids pick these things up?"
• "I've seen a number of people syncopating in public spaces - shouldn't they do that in private? They'll need glasses if they keep that up."
• "Don't you people remember The Junction Triangle ?"
• "I've worked with clients of a Metronome Clinic in our area - they can't be beat."

And finally, a particularly insightful comment from a woman sitting with her squalling brood of 7 infants of varying age and gender... "Metronome clinic? Feh! Don't you idiots get it? The rhythm method doesn't work!"

The One Who Sits has learned a local inventor was robbed some time before 9.18 PM last night.

"I'm really upset," the scientist, who asked not to be named, said. "I'd heard Corktown was a welcoming, positive community, where I could carry on my research into the paranormal without interruption."

The stolen item (shown at left) is one of a series of prototype units - he has several in his lab in varying stages of development - capable of listening in on people's thoughts. "This one" he said, giving us the headphones "can read Paris Hilton's thoughts." When The One pointed out that there was no sound, he replied, smiling, "see, it works!"

Calling them MindPods,  he continued "The stolen unit is a new one, and is specifically tuned to the minds of one group - paid up Corktown Residents & Business Association members. I'm really worried about it getting into the wrong hands."

Coincidentally, at about the time of the theft, The One heard a faint wailing from the Corktown e-list , recently banished into the virtual wilderness by the Association, concerning an unusual unity of thought among Corktown residents regarding CRBA 's to-be-presented-tonight Methadone Task Force Position Paper....to wit:

"...there is no support by the general membership of the CRBA for the submission being presented on this day,Jan/24/07 to the Methadone Task Force by the CRBA." 

Amazing! Particularly considering the fact that His Oneness is paid up, has reviewed the document, and actually thinks it's pretty good. Could the MindPod also control thoughts...we shudder uncontrollably at the thought!

 Having said that we also agree with both sides of the argument put forward, namely:

• That it's the CRBA's perogative, as elected reps, to prepare this type of document - and they in fact did consult with a sample of the community.
• That a little more advance review of the report might have produced some useful input - without obliging CRBA to make any additional adjustments.
• And, taking human nature into consideration, that very few people would probably bother to reply anyway - though they wouldn't hesitate to complain!